Arrakis

I was going to start this post by saying that I don't believe in coincidence. After some thought however I realized that whenever I run across something I tend to first jump and say its simple coincidence and then only later do I entertain the thought that it may be something else.

If you've taken the time to look through the side panel of this blog you already know that I'm reading the Dune series by Frank Herbert. I was considering this today, along with the fact that I live in a desert and the fact that if you asked me my spiritual location I would say that I was in one spiritually as well. Its interesting the way that the Great Divine weaves these things together like that. That I should be in the "desert" in mind body and spirit all at once. Its also interesting that I can be there and not realize it till quite a ways into it. This reminded me of something else that I had learned a few years back.

To truly understand this I'll need to set the scene for you with some background. When I was in my teens I used to attend youth group on a regular basis. Now its important for me to describe things as I saw them. The youth group was pretty big all things considered, however at the time it seemed small and I had a fire in me to see it grow, at the same time I wrestled with the realization that in order to see it grow we would first have to show ourselves as good stewards of what we already had. This was back when I used to get to youth group early to do pre service prayer. Back when I had an overwhelming need to "press in" as they say. At the time all I could see where the shortcomings and failings of those around me. How things where not advancing at the pace that I wanted them to. How I felt the pastor was stifling our spiritual journeys. How the people around me weren't taking things seriously enough, and on and on.

A few years of this and it was revealed that our youth pastor would be heading on to something new, that he was leaving to head up a youth ranch in Georgia. It was bitter sweet. On the one hand I realized how much I loved this man who had been my youth pastor. On the other hand I felt that it was his time to go and move on and that he was being removed to be replaced by someone who would do a better job. After that I moved on from youth group and never found out if the new youth pastor lived up to my expectations.

Fast forward a few years. I'm doing a little soul searching at the time in my house. Just chilling with the Great Divine, and boom out of nowhere he brings up all of this stuff from my past. He shows me that I was like the Israelites brought out of Egypt and into the desert. I was surrounded by the miraculous. My spiritual journey had accelerated through that time I had spent in youth group I had experienced things that I have never quite experienced since. People had been touched and changed forever, but all I could see was that it wasn't fast enough, it wasn't good enough. I realized that all of this had come about because my pastor HAD been faithful HAD been following the Great Divine.

The atmosphere in that youth group was unlike anything I would encounter for quite a while after that. I realized that my pastor hadn't failed me, the people around me hadn't failed me and the Great Divine certainly hadn't. I realized that I had failed myself. Failed to do what I know understand and realize I should have done. That in fact the end never justifies the means where spirituality is concerned. The answer is never as important as the question. The finish line is never as important as the race. The journey is more important than the destination. I was trying to run faster and harder than everyone else. In doing so I missed it, I missed the fact that it was more important that I run at the pace I was set to run at. So that I would keep up with the Great Divine. He wanted me to run with him, not try to get to the finish line.

Fast forward again. I didn't learn that lesson then, but I'm slowly beginning to learn this lesson day by day. I'm being taught how to "embrace the desert". Its an odd subtle shift in awareness, one I don't think I have the words to explain. I think I can only liken it to the Dune series: I'm learning how to wear a still suit, how to read the winds and realize when a storm is coming, how to call and ride a worm, how to see the desert as my friend and teacher. I'm letting the desert burn me, and its not a bad thing now. It all seems so pseudo-masochistic, but I guess willingly allowing yourself to be crucified is too. I don't even know if what I'm saying makes sense. I just know what it feels like to do it, and I know that its right. The way when you first started riding your bike you finally hit upon that balance and coordination between your legs, arms, and the rest of your body. You know your doing it right cause it feels right. I don't even care about whether I get out of it or not anymore, it just is and I've embraced it.