Oculus Tempestas

2009-05-09T23:18:00.000-07:00

A few days ago a realized something, I rule. This is not one of those self appreciating posts where I tell you how awesome I am. I don't mean "I rule" in the sense that I am cool or hip. I mean it in the sense of the original origin of that word. I rule, I am the one who makes the laws. I control the course of this boat, these roads exist but I choose where I walk. In short I am king of my life. As always this epiphany was not JUST some intellectual coming to terms with my own being. A moment in time where I realized my humanity and all that comes with it, although it was that as well, but it went further than that. It didn't last as long as I might have hoped but for an instant I realized that the thing that inhibits me is me. Its not as if I didn't know this, I've known this for a long time. The question up to this point had always been, "How do I get from here to there?". In essence how do I remove myself from the equation, or now that I KNOW it how do I LIVE it? In that instant I LIVED it as well as knew it, I felt as though the myriad of possibilities that had been closed to me because of my own self inflicted ceiling or stale mate where torn open. I had won the battle against myself for control of my own life, however brief the victory lasted.

The trick now is to remember, remember how to rule. Somewhere somehow I willingly gave up my birthright, the one that gave me control over all of THIS. I need to return to the throne and don the crown that I have given up, its as if I had amnesia and in one blinding moment the memory of what I was came flooding back to me and with it the realization of the power I wield. However there is still a choice I face. To return to the kingdom I left, dispose of the usurper who now sits the throne and take my place as ruler, or to simply be content with being the wanderer allowing the world to pass me by without a second though to what I might be able to do about it. The latter choice which logically seems to be so craven and stupid, still holds no small appeal. It would allow me to be the passive observer and to blame the world for its own problems, no need to factor my own choice to not do something into the equation because I wouldn't have a choice cause I'm not in control, and there is nothing I have to offer the world anyway. The first choice has its own dangers though, as I take control I must be able to defend against the inevitable temptation to misuse that power as well as the temptation to sit idly by. I must rule justly and with compassion, but I must also remember that kings must rule with scepter AND sword. Shepherds have both the rod and the staff and you must not neglect either if you expect to keep your herd.

Things as they stand...

2008-10-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

...or fall for that matter.

Its been an interesting past few weeks. School started, I now have what I consider the greatest job I could have ever asked for, things in my life have started to become hectic and unordered. I'm working at a Department of Energy lab now doing sort of grunt work for the researchers there. But I love my job and the people I work for. I'm not sure why it is that I find loading the dishwasher for them or making media for them or defrosting freezers for them so enjoyable. Maybe its because they thank me for things that I just assume are part of my job description. I think that's part of it. There is genuine sense of gratitude you get when someone says they love you after you have defrosted a freezer for them, and they have that look on their face like you have no idea how much your actions have helped them. To top it off I'm going fulltime at school. Taking classes at both my community college and the real college way on the other side of town, which means my days are rather jam packed.

I feel like walking out my door driving to the airport and catching a flight to anywhere but here, preferably Europe or the Sahara. Two very desperate places I know, and what an odd thing to say at that. I just really have this strong urge to get out of Dodge. I won't be going anywhere till I've finished up my BA, but it seems feelings don't wait. I also feel like I'm in a very tenuous time right now emotionally spiritually and physically. I got sick this week and have had this same cold for almost two weeks now, and it seems as if emotionally I'm back on ye olde roller coaster yet again. I don't even have an idea where I am spiritually. I think that's a sign I need to step back and get my bearings, its also probably a cause of my current emotional state. However between work and school I'm having a hard time making time for things of a spiritual nature, which I am constantly reminded is more a function of my unwillingness to make that time and less a function of time itself.

2008-07-17T18:06:00.001-07:00

* I refuse to settle for anything less than my dreams and aspirations, the path that God has shown me to walk out, my destiny.

* I refuse to allow myself to use others/situations/or problems to become excuses and in turn justification for me becoming complacent with where I am or what I am doing if I am not where I know God wants me to be.

* I refuse to allow others negativity to stop me from pursuing these things, instead I will use it to galvanize myself into action.

* I will make every effort to work in tandem with the plans and desires of God. Defaulting to him in every area of my life and listening to him for direction, but I will not by any means use his silence as an excuse to stop pursuing him or the goals he has given me.

* I will make every effort to learn from my experiences and the experiences of others, to learn the lessons that God would teach me and to learn them well so that I will not have to repeat my own mistakes or the mistakes that other people have made.

Mantras

2008-05-25T15:18:00.001-07:00

Ah mantras, a favorite subject of mine as it seems to be an easy indicator of a persons personality. You can easily tell who someone is by the "self talk" they use. Whether they are shy or open or pessimistic or optimistic. Not like you really need to hear them say things to themselves to recognize those things. The thing I like most about mantras is their ability to change someone by changing their perspective. Recently I've caught myself using the phrase "and so it begins" a lot. Its a rather odd mantra and I'll be the first to tell you so. Not sure why its turned up or how, being who I am though I am as always inclined to find the spiritual explanation and assume its just the big man upstairs trying to tell me something. Its certainly some interesting self talk though, the more I analyze it the more I like it though. It seems to me like the J man has been trying to get me to emphasize beginnings. Trying to get me to see failures more as beginnings rather than endings, to get me to rise above to get me to begin. Movement is movement no matter how its accomplished. Whether we cross the finish line in a full out sprint or we crawl across it dragging our exhausted bodies behind us we still finished. 2008 was supposed to be a year of "new beginnings" so I'm not so surprised to find that this mantra popped up when it did, which I've only realized just now as I'm writing this. So heres to a shift in perspective may it bring us ever closer to seeing things the way He does.

Comparison breeds Contempt

2008-04-02T12:12:00.000-07:00

**Before I begin let me digress. Am I the only one that reads others blogs and gets inspired? I don't get inspired in the traditional sense of the word. Instead I simply begin to see the things that where always there to be said. The things I write here are my life lessons, the things I've done, seen, heard and learned from (or simple revelation from the Great Unknowable lived out in day to day life). Sometimes its easy to trivialize these things, and I think as we go through life we don't "forget" these things much in the same way you never "forget" how to ride your bike, although I do think we consciously forget, and I tend to do that.

I think our life lessons work the way the Great Divines word is written on our hearts, I think it works more like muscle memory. Muscle memory is the idea that once you've done something enough times it becomes ingrained in your brain and becomes associated with that particular movement and sometimes specific equipment, so the idea is once your muscles start doing the movements again you find that even though you can't specifically recall how to do those things your muscles are naturally inclined to do them. So for example a basketball team runs a certain play lots and lots of times so that they will remember how to run it without even having to think about it.

I think this is true for our life lessons and the Great Divines word, it becomes ingrained in us and associated with certain situations so that when we face adversity we find ourselves making certain decisions without hesitation, I guess conscience is really the word for it but I feel the word doesn't convey the whole thought. I think others blogs work to bring out those life lessons to the forefront, for me at least. Wow, I really digressed pretty far, ON WITH THE SHOW!**

"Comparison breeds contempt.", another personal mantra of mine. The Great Divine told me this once, and it took me days before I realized how true this was and exactly how far the rabbit hole went with this one. The first time you hear those words you kind of listen to it the way you listen to music, you simply listen to the words but don't really pay attention to what the song is saying. I think its because there are SO many sayings like this and after a while they all muddle together and we build up an immunity to them. Once you start to really analyze whats being said though and apply it to your own life you start to realize how true this is. At first I thought it was only a one way thing, sort of a "you shouldn't consider yourself better than others" thing, then I realized it goes both ways. No matter what the outcome of the comparison it always ends in contempt. "That person makes more money, has a better car, looks better than me etc etc etc." Once you start thinking that, it doesn't take long for contempt to settle in. At first thats as far as I took it and I put forth the effort to apply the principal to my life.

Then the Great Divine took it deeper, showing me that I should be careful not to compare my SPIRITUALITY against others as it also leads to contempt. The concept is a hard one to follow, as we live in a society that requires empirical evidence as well as a way to measure their success against yours aka the zero's on your paycheck, the kind of car you drive, and the list goes on. Because of that we can find ourselves trying to find an empirical way to measure our spirituality against others and we can find ourselves hating others at church and having a hard time figuring out why. Then we find ourselves disillusioned and hating church and the people who go there. Its hard for me to keep myself from comparing myself against others as I'm a very empirical sort of person. I like to have something to compare against and its easy for me to fall into the trap of comparing myself with others. The Unknowable has called us to love one another, and in his world there is no first place. Try as we might we can't earn what he gives us and we certainly aren't deserving of it either. Its interesting when you realize how deep seeded comparison is in your life and how it affects how you view others. I just hope I can live a life without comparison and not fall into the rabbit hole that leads to contempt and hatred in my life.

Commence Digestion

2008-03-16T23:08:00.001-07:00

I have a few fetishes one of which is the sight and sound of raw talent. So lately I've been watching "The Black Cab Sessions" an idea which when I first heard of it literally "floored" me. Basically its a group of people in the U.K. who take recording equipment, meet a band in the middle of London, hail one of the cities obligatory black cabbies and ride around filming the band playing a song. Its a one take kinda thing. I've pretty much watched them all so far (I did skip around a bit and I can't say I've really seen them all) and without sounding too much like a gamer I will say that it is indeed "epic" (or "purple" for those in the know). I think the whole "back seat of a cab" venue has its own sort of ambiance that you can't really get anywhere else, and its nicely portrayed in the videos. http://www.blackcabsessions.com/ here is the link if your interested in listening to some good stuff, its nice to see that they are taking both local U.K. bands as well as some American bands. I prefer listening to the new talent like Eugene Mcguiness or Luke Toms who dresses like Galager but sounds amazing in my book, but I think its nice to hear more well known bands like The Kooks and The New Pornographers in that sort of a setting as well. On top of this there is this video "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_Vtr8i87Do" which is awesome, no you can't hear what hes saying in the beginning but you can hear the song which is the important part. I'm fascinated by peoples ability to set music to words. Generally speaking words are not the problem for me its the music that I have hard time meshing with what I want to say.

The other fetish I have is this weird fascination with online communities, or maybe a better description would be "the power of communities to create things that companies couldn't have thought of in their wildest dreams". A fine example of this is the game Counter Strike, which is in fact a MOD for another popular game Half Life. A MOD in essence is a game built upon someone else's code. You essentially take the code and rework it to make it do what you want. Then add original content you made, models for the characters in game, skins, new sounds, make your own maps and then voila. With every mod you generally release it and it either bombs and no one plays it or you get a small following of people who play it. With Counter Strike it did so well that Valve (the company who made Half Life) acquired the rights to it and began shipping it as a completely separate game. I believe the people who worked on it are now working within the gaming industry as well. Well apparently something like this has been done with a flight simulator and upon hearing this I was intrigued. Apparently there is a community of people who go online everyday and fly planes NOT ONLY do they fly planes there are also a select group within the community who act as air traffic controllers, not only that, the entire system is set up exactly like real life. So you can't just jump in the game and take off. You need to check the weather, make sure your flight plan is worked out and THEN send it in to get clearance so you can even take off and leave the run way. Apparently you can't even BECOME an air traffic controller without having first taken the test to get your license to actually do the job in game. The way it all works is through a network set up that allows you to talk to the air traffic controllers in the game, a program called "sqwakbox(sp?)". But the whole thing is player run, so the servers are set up and maintained by someone somewhere and of course the program is all coded and distributed freely. Personally I thought it was the coolest thing ever, I love peoples imagination and companies willingness to let people mess around with their code always allows for nice surprises. Which is why I love any game with a map editor. I've tried my hand at mapping and modding for several games but my inability to follow through with projects always bites me in the arse. So I'm left with little to show for it. Which is why most of the ideas I have are shelved.

This is an odd sort of post, no deep philosophical or religious things to talk about no insights or revelations really. I was challenged that I hadn't written anything in a while however so I figured I would remedy that situation. I'm still on the look out for a job so if you know anyone hiring thats paying 10 bucks an hour or more is flexible around school schedules and can give me close if not full time let me know.

Showing Up

2008-01-22T09:27:00.000-08:00

So yesterday before bed I was laying there talking with the J-Man and I was doing what I usually do: breaking down all of my requests into concise form. Its a nice habit I think, it helps me more than it helps the J-Man obviously considering he knows what I'm going to ask before I ask it. However it allows me to understand myself alot better, rather than simply understanding that I want something I have a greater understanding of the reasons I want that something to begin with.

The first thing that struck me was that none of my requests mattered, that in fact I had asked for all of those things multiple times and the J-Man had not misplaced them or forgotten about them (another lesson in understanding that he works on his own timetable, not on mine). More to the point I wondered what I should be asking him and the words "What do you want me to do?" came out (before that I had thought about saying "What do you need me to do?" but realized that he doesn't "need" anything from me). I had asked that quite a few times before, this certainly wasn't the first or the last time. But for some reason they seemed to hold more value this time around, I guess its like telling someone you love them simply out of habit and telling someone you love them just before one of you dies. The telling comes from some deep seated part of you and it conveys so much more through the words. It felt like this time I had really meant it, had really wanted to know this time around. He of course obliged, not simply answering me with words but in an odd sort of way (which for him is pretty normal).

I began to wonder what it would be like if he was a physical being, if our relationship was built on physical pretenses. I imagined calling up my friends to play some poker and calling up the J-Man to join us, or playing Catan with Shadraq and the J-Man and whoever else we could get a hold of. Then I made the connection, even though I find that my relationship with him has so far diverged from what anyone would call "normal" I still put religious constraints on it. I'm still using a religious measure to try to figure out if our relationship is "good"or if we are "moving forward". I think its a realization that in the end he asked us to love him. He never asked us to "make it work" he didn't ask us to "grow up" or keep some sort of tab on our relationship so he would know were we where. Seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened, the only thing required of us in those statements is that we show up. He wants us to call him up, to set aside time for him. Time and effort on our part is all hes looking for, which is weird to think about. I imagine that in heaven the only record keeping that he does as far as measuring his success with us is keeping a record of the time we commit to him, and I'm not talking about the religious type of commitment where you spend 4 hours in intercession. I mean just sitting there thinking about him, or shooting the breeze telling him how your day was.

Grab Bag

2008-01-02T08:35:00.000-08:00

So here it is 2 hours to go before my first day of class of the new school year. I'm sitting in the computer lab bored out of my skull, so I figured I'd write something.

Before you ask I didn't do much for new years, I spent the night playing video games online and drinking beer (in case you where wondering it was Pacifico with lime, thank you Shadraq for showing me some good mexican beer). The new years past me by without me taking much time to really "celebrate" it. No new years resolution, no fireworks, no spending time with people (unless you count the fact that I was playing with a friend of mine over the internet), my parents where in yakima and I was home alone. Now before you go making comments to my parents this is not a "woe is me" post. Some small part of me I guess wishes things could have been different. However the rest of me realizes that whether I spent that night with family or friends or not really has little bearing on anything. I wonder why it is that we put so much stock in certain days, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Birthdays. We pin them down as "Family Days" as if spending time with people on those specific days somehow makes the time spent together sweeter or something. I think we should learn to value the time spent with others period, instead of only valuing the time that we spend with others on holidays or birthdays. Besides I thoroughly enjoyed drinking beer and playing video games.

But its another year of school and I'm still in the same place I was when I graduated high school, I seem to have little to no direction at the moment. I've commited myself to getting a degree in Biology, less out of any sort of affinity to the idea of working in that field and more because I found that I was good at it and there is considerably less Math involved with that field than there is with Computer Science. I'm trying hard to not live in the past and wonder why I didn't do this, or didn't do that why I didn't plan my life better so that I wouldn't have to be in the position I'm in. Its proving rather difficult to do, I guess I can just get in class study hard and hope that the Great Divine will help me finish up this year. If the classes I need to take fall within the correct quarters I can be done by the end of this year (meaning I would be able to move onto WSU and get out of CBC finally). Its interesting how much school makes me think about the Great Divine, its not as if I don't talk to him all the time. However there is difference between routinely talking to someone and thorougly focusing on someone when you talk to them. I think its the difference between hearing someone and really listening to them. Women must have some sort of sixth sense that allows them to distinguish between these two states, as I have heard many a woman tell someone that they weren't "listening" to them talk. When, from what I can tell, there was no way anyone could have not heard what they were saying. Anyways, I find that school makes me "focus" on Him alot more. I think its because I realize and understand that one of my biggest flaws is in my follow thru. I never really had any to begin with so I really need help where that is concerned. The quarters I did well in where made possible by him not me.

I've got another hour and five minutes to go and I'm really compounding quite a bit of thinking into one post, I haven't written much thanks to the fact that I think the last post was the best thing I've written so far, period. Mostly because of what that revelation means to me. Thats neither here nor there though. I saw a quote somewhere (can't remember where) that said "As I get older I'm trying to listen to people more and stop accusing them of things." I doubt thats the EXACT quote so if you know who said it or what the EXACT quote was by all means correct me, I won't like it but at least it will be right. Anyways, the gist of what he was talking about is still there. It caught my attention and I thought it bore repeating.

Lastly, I got a fortune cookie a few days ago that said, "you will develop a new relationship next month" do you think He speaks through fortune cookies?

Arrakis

2007-12-05T00:22:00.000-08:00

I was going to start this post by saying that I don't believe in coincidence. After some thought however I realized that whenever I run across something I tend to first jump and say its simple coincidence and then only later do I entertain the thought that it may be something else.

If you've taken the time to look through the side panel of this blog you already know that I'm reading the Dune series by Frank Herbert. I was considering this today, along with the fact that I live in a desert and the fact that if you asked me my spiritual location I would say that I was in one spiritually as well. Its interesting the way that the Great Divine weaves these things together like that. That I should be in the "desert" in mind body and spirit all at once. Its also interesting that I can be there and not realize it till quite a ways into it. This reminded me of something else that I had learned a few years back.

To truly understand this I'll need to set the scene for you with some background. When I was in my teens I used to attend youth group on a regular basis. Now its important for me to describe things as I saw them. The youth group was pretty big all things considered, however at the time it seemed small and I had a fire in me to see it grow, at the same time I wrestled with the realization that in order to see it grow we would first have to show ourselves as good stewards of what we already had. This was back when I used to get to youth group early to do pre service prayer. Back when I had an overwhelming need to "press in" as they say. At the time all I could see where the shortcomings and failings of those around me. How things where not advancing at the pace that I wanted them to. How I felt the pastor was stifling our spiritual journeys. How the people around me weren't taking things seriously enough, and on and on.

A few years of this and it was revealed that our youth pastor would be heading on to something new, that he was leaving to head up a youth ranch in Georgia. It was bitter sweet. On the one hand I realized how much I loved this man who had been my youth pastor. On the other hand I felt that it was his time to go and move on and that he was being removed to be replaced by someone who would do a better job. After that I moved on from youth group and never found out if the new youth pastor lived up to my expectations.

Fast forward a few years. I'm doing a little soul searching at the time in my house. Just chilling with the Great Divine, and boom out of nowhere he brings up all of this stuff from my past. He shows me that I was like the Israelites brought out of Egypt and into the desert. I was surrounded by the miraculous. My spiritual journey had accelerated through that time I had spent in youth group I had experienced things that I have never quite experienced since. People had been touched and changed forever, but all I could see was that it wasn't fast enough, it wasn't good enough. I realized that all of this had come about because my pastor HAD been faithful HAD been following the Great Divine.

The atmosphere in that youth group was unlike anything I would encounter for quite a while after that. I realized that my pastor hadn't failed me, the people around me hadn't failed me and the Great Divine certainly hadn't. I realized that I had failed myself. Failed to do what I know understand and realize I should have done. That in fact the end never justifies the means where spirituality is concerned. The answer is never as important as the question. The finish line is never as important as the race. The journey is more important than the destination. I was trying to run faster and harder than everyone else. In doing so I missed it, I missed the fact that it was more important that I run at the pace I was set to run at. So that I would keep up with the Great Divine. He wanted me to run with him, not try to get to the finish line.

Fast forward again. I didn't learn that lesson then, but I'm slowly beginning to learn this lesson day by day. I'm being taught how to "embrace the desert". Its an odd subtle shift in awareness, one I don't think I have the words to explain. I think I can only liken it to the Dune series: I'm learning how to wear a still suit, how to read the winds and realize when a storm is coming, how to call and ride a worm, how to see the desert as my friend and teacher. I'm letting the desert burn me, and its not a bad thing now. It all seems so pseudo-masochistic, but I guess willingly allowing yourself to be crucified is too. I don't even know if what I'm saying makes sense. I just know what it feels like to do it, and I know that its right. The way when you first started riding your bike you finally hit upon that balance and coordination between your legs, arms, and the rest of your body. You know your doing it right cause it feels right. I don't even care about whether I get out of it or not anymore, it just is and I've embraced it.

Musings from The Golden Compass...

2007-11-29T13:13:00.000-08:00

So if you've been seeing any movies lately or you are a movie buff of any level you will undoubtedly know about the new movie thats coming out called The Golden Compass. However you may or may not know about the controversy surrounding it. There is a big to do over the movie. The books that the movie is based on where written, according to the author, to be the parallel of the Narnia books. He says that where as the Narnia books espouse Christianity, which is about as true as saying Dune espouses drug abuse and desert living, his books are pro atheism.

That being said you can understand how "The Church" has decided to boycott the movie. I found this....disquieting. One of the things that I have yet to fully come to terms with is peoples inability to draw lines and stick to them. Its a movie, and the makers of the movie have gone to lengths to take out any sort of religious propaganda. So what are you afraid of, are you scared your kids might read a book? Then make sure they don't read the books its that simple. Besides I've read plenty of books that espoused views that where not held by me, it didn't really change the way I saw things. I just thought "that was a good story". Besides, they're kids. There going to go, watch the movie and enjoy it for what it is, entertainment. On top of that most people go watch the movie simply because they don't want to read the book.

In the end though there is something more deep seeded I feel to this argument. I think most of those parents boycotting the movie would readily agree that they wouldn't take their kids to see any R rated films. Most I think would even say they don't like R rated films because of violence. I also think that you would find that many of those self same parents took their kids to see The Passion, which is a movie about watching Jesus get a beat down then tortured to death. This begs the obvious question, which I hope is the overarching question of this entire post. "Where do you draw the line?" and more importantly "Will you stick by that line?"

I think anyone would readily agree that an easy measure of a man is whether or not he sticks by his word. You won't take your kid to a movie because the author is an atheist? Well you might as well stay home from now on and never watch another movie unless its produced by In Light Broadcasting. Most writers of books and movies are atheists, "*gasp* say it ain't so!" I think you should draw the line and say thus farther and no more and stick by it. If you find that you start making exceptions to the rule then its time to reevaluate the line you drew. Is the line not in the right place, or is it simply your just not strong enough to stand by what you said?

I can think of a story which typifies this. Me and some of my friends where at an Applebees once. My friend was recounting a rather odd story. During the story he made mention of a necklace someone was wearing made out of fake penises. Now he had no trouble saying the word penis. But once it came to the point in the story where he was describing the fact that a certain female person had her genitals pierced he refused to say the word clitoris, or vagina for that matter. It bothered me to no end. Now I'm not one to go around yelling penis and vagina, but lets face it if I'm trying to describe something and it involves me talking about genitalia I'm not shy about naming either organ. The thing that bothered me was that he either draws the line at not saying either word or has no problem saying either word. Same thing with cussing. If you don't like it thats fine whatever, just don't go around saying that "shit" is ok to say but "fuck" is taking it too far. Once me and some friends where playing Guitar Hero and my friend, who's house we were in, said "shit" (for sake of understanding we will say his name was Jeff) . A few minutes later my other friend, lets say his name was Brian, said "fuck". Then Jeff proceeded to get mad at Brian for having said "fuck" in his house. After I recovered from my brain aneurysm, I thought how can you cuss in your house and then get made cause someone else cussed in your house? He said it was because what Brian had said was worse than what he had said. Personally I think if he had said either word in the presence of his mother it would not have gone over well either way.

Someone once said "be cold or be hot but don't be lukewarm", words to live by if you ask me. I'm not saying I'm perfect where this is concerned but I'm trying. I can at least see the value in reevaluating my lines when I see discrepancies between what I preach and what I do. Personally I'd rather live what I'm preaching and not preach what I'm not living.

So as you think about taking your kids to see the movie, think about all the times you've taken them to see movies that had atheistic writers, think about harry potter and how that had wizards and witches in it and about how you could argue that it "encouraged" witchcraft, and lord of the rings with all of the violence and the wizardry in that, then think about that little line that you've mentally drawn in the sand. Personally I'm going to go see that movie, heck I'll probably even go out and get the books and read em.

A Look At Philosophy....

2007-11-19T15:28:00.000-08:00

I've lately been drawn again and again to the subject of philosophy. For someone who's whole world more or less revolves around questions, I'm surprised I've never really ever taken a closer look at philosophy until now. As I thought about philosophy the Great Divine made an interesting point. That Philosophy is the science of asking questions which can only be answered by divinity. Philosophy is really a process, a process of asking questions that reveal new questions. The answer is never the ultimate goal, the answer is more a key to new questions and if you take the process far enough you always run into questions that can only be answered by divinity (my mother is great at this: "have you seen your brother?", "did you talk to him?", "what did he say?", "a new job?", "do they give him benefits?", "what kind?" and so on. Until I feel ready to throttle her, of course she usually hits upon the really important questions near the end and you get used to the interrogations after awhile and I can see the validity in them). Its often enough the middle ground between science and spiritualism, dabbling in both and reconciling the two often enough.

I like to think of it as a process of refining. You refine your questions until you reach the questions that really matter, those that deal with things way beyond our ability to grasp or understand. It also helps you get a grip, gives you perspective by making you remember that you are just one person in billions. Wikipedia describes it thusly: "Though no single definition of philosophy is uncontroversial, and the field has historically expanded and changed depending upon what kinds of questions were interesting or relevant in a given era, it is generally agreed that philosophy is a method, rather than a set of claims, propositions, or theories. Its investigations are based upon rational thinking, striving to make no unexamined assumptions and no leaps based on faith or pure analogy."

Its all part of something I like to call mind vs magic. The idea that there are 2 extremes, the extreme of the mind being someone that thinks logically and once they run up on something that can't be explained through science or logic doesn't turn to spirituality or divinity to explain it but comes up with some excuse or simply accepts it as a phenomenon and nothing else and then they put their faith in science to one day explain it away. The extreme of magic is no less dangerous, spirituality, religion, superstition. This person holds on to belief systems without first examining each question carefully against his beliefs, so like the person who operates purely from the mind state they often hold beliefs incongruous with one another, they throw away the ideas of logic and reasoning thinking them dangerous weapons that undermine faith.

I have a mantra that I like to use "balance in all things". I think its a good mantra to have and does a good job of explaining who I am and the way I am. Often I find that I will take an opposite stance to something that is being discussed, ala the devils advocate. Its just part of the way I am, I think that both sides of an argument should be present in order for people to have an open and honest discussion of something. Interestingly enough even when something that I agree with comes up I will take the subject and slant it, come at it from another angle almost undermine the argument just to be sure that some other side to the argument is present. Shadraq can attest to this as we had a discussion about the wording for one of his polls he did on his blog.

This also explains the way I see this argument. I think that the "mind" and "magic" should be used together, that you should have beliefs and a system of beliefs in things greater than yourself but you should also use the mind to think logically about any questions which arise, weighing them against your belief system. There are some things that can't be explained by the mind and those often must be taken on blind faith, but there are also things which can be examined through use of logic and reasoning and you should examine things in that way (the previous discussion of pentagrams being a prime example of this). This way your not left with an incongruous belief system, going around killing people because they are suspected of witchcraft...

A Look At Symbols and Their Meaning

2007-11-12T13:38:00.000-08:00

I once had a discussion with a friend of mine about pentagrams. I told him a little bit of the history of the pentagram, about how it represented different things to different people. At the time my understanding of the symbol was that it represented fire, earth, wind, water, and spirit to paganists.

Now the point of the discussion that I had had was the idea that Christianity saw the pentagram as a satanic symbol. That somehow this shape (and lets not fool ourselves, thats really all it is) encapsulated all of the evil in the world. I made the point that it was really just a symbol that had been taken from the pagans and then used by the satanists. Why they chose this symbol I'm not sure. He was apt to agree and see the point.

That however was not the end of the debate as later on it reasserted itself with some of my other friends as we again discussed it. This time my friend (the same one mentioned earlier) was the one to bring it up and he added some facts that I wasn't aware of, mainly the fact that Christians had used this symbol before the satanists had. I was a little shocked cause I didn't know anything about this. One of the other people we were discussing it with was hard pressed to let go of his upbringing and bring himself to take an objective look at it. He felt that satan/evil/ and darkness where inexorably tied to this simple shape. To be fair he is rather young, only a sophomore in high school still living at home and unwilling to question his beliefs and the beliefs of his parents. This time around I brought up the point that the pentagram was and is exactly what the name implies: a five pointed star and nothing more than that. A shape that you would learn in geometry no different from a square or an octagon. That different people see different signs and symbols in different ways and that if that is the case then how can there be truth in a symbol? How can there be universal truth in shape, at least as far as its symbolic meaning is concerned? If Jesus hadn't died on a cross but had hanged instead wouldn't Christians venerate the noose instead of the cross? Then I dug this up, for the purpose of this little blog I did a little bit of research (I looked it up on wikipedia) and pulled this from it: "Pentagrams were used symbolically in ancient Greece and Babylonia. The pentagram has magical associations, and many people who practice neopagan faiths wear jewelry incorporating the symbol. Christians once more commonly used the pentagram to represent the five wounds of Jesus,^[1]^[2] and it also has associations within Freemasonry." An interesting little tidbit, one that I think most people are totally ignorant of. Certainly something I was ignorant of. To think that people once wore pentagrams to symbolize the wounds of Christ, but now they attribute such a symbol to satan worship.

It was an interesting idea to me and one worth revisiting. This idea of symbolism and of personal symbolism at that. As we all have some sort of personal symbolism in our lives. What certain shapes and certain things represent to us, may not translate to others. There is no power in shapes and symbols unless someone puts it there. But even then it doesn't carry to recreations of that symbol. Perhaps there was power in the cross that Jesus actually died on. However I don't think that that power translates to the crosses people created to wear around their necks.

Although people would make the argument that they don't truly believe that the symbol holds any power that it simply represents Jesus's death on a cross and his resurrection, but somewhere in their subconscious is a deep rooted notion that it does in some way hold power. This is shown to be true simply in the choosing of the symbol. Why a cross and not something else?

At the same time isn't the power of this symbol simply in the crosses representation? If only the power to remind people of their salvation? Then, however we come again to the point that it is only a PERSONAL SYMBOLISM. That although the power may exist it only exists for that one person, and is only true for that person who clings to those beliefs. For a pagan the cross is simply that, a cross, it doesn't represent anything to them.

Then the question changes, is it possible for a person to put power into an object? Does it require the Great Divine or is a persons own power, having been placed within them by the Great Divine, enough? Is it possible for someone to work the raw "winds of change" within themselves? What of the story of our Order about the man who asked for a double portion of power, that he might have twice as much power as his teacher? Then received the robe from his predecessor and struck a river with that same robe and the river parted. Are we to believe that the robe held the power or the man held the power? If it was just the robe than what of the Great Divine? How did he factor into this, did he simply infuse the man with the asked power? Then why the need to have the robe in the first place? There are stories from our Order of people praying over water and using it to heal the sick. What of this? Then there is the story of one of our Order who was told by the Great Divine to speak to a rock so that water would come from it, but he disobeyed and struck the rock, but water still came.

In the end we return to the original question: "Is a pentagram inherently evil?" or we can ask a more broad reaching question which I think is better anyways, "Can symbols be inherently evil or good?". I believe that the answer is a solid and resounding, NO. How is it possible that a shape could be evil. If this was the case wouldn't school children everywhere be releasing darkness and demonic forces as they draw space scenes (cause as we are all aware most children draw pentagrams when making stars)? Wouldn't everyone wearing a cross be somehow changed simply by the wearing? We know this is not the case.

Side Note: there is some interesting reading http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pentagram to be had there. Especially the geometry part.

Why vs What

2007-11-07T15:53:00.000-08:00

Another post? Yea, I know, I know. But when you figure I might not post again for another month you realize I'm kind of compacting a months worth of posting into one day.

Now this is something I've been learning from the Great Divine for some few years now. Like mathematics everything in this "little" lesson builds upon itself.

Now for quiet a few years I used to ask the question "Why?". Why this and not that? Why now and not later? On and on and on. Until the Great Divine finally got fed up with it and told me something that changed the way I saw everything (please for my own sanity's sake no one say "paradigm shift"), it "changed my lens". He told me that "Why is not important, why is not the question you should be asking. What is an important question. Stop asking why, and start asking what." Now reading this you might think, "Yeah, so? I knew that. Its pretty simple." Thats all well and fine, but its like so many things in life. Until you KNOW it, you don't know it. Someone can tell me how to find the area of a curve, give me the formulas and everything. But until it clicks somewhere in my brain until it all comes into focus in that one moment of mental clarity it doesn't mean diddly. The same was true for this. It was a simple thing to say, and it seemed so obvious but I hadn't thought of it and hadn't been doing it till that moment.

After that little revelation I would catch myself asking "Why?" and I would take the question and formulate a new one that was a "What?" question instead. "Why did this happen?" vs "What do I do now?" After doing this for some time there was another level of revelation that the Great Divine showed me. That answers where not as important as questions. That it was more important for me to ask the right questions than it was for me to try to find the right answers. If that makes any sense, cause how can someone find the right answer without the right question. A detective understands this truth. He goes into the investigation knowing that the right questions will bring about the clues he needs to close the case. His job is based on asking the right questions. Because there are things that he may not be looking for that may come out if he asks them.

The next level of revelation is the idea that what causes action it brings change and order. Why brings stagnation and it brings chaos. For example, think about all the people who ask why, think about the way they act what they do. They are stuck dwelling on the past trying to make sense of it, while the world moves on and they miss it. Even if they get an answer to their question they are not satisfied, it will not help any. Like a toddler who asks you why continuously but is never seemingly satisfied with the answers they are given.

If I know what answer I seek, but not what question to ask I may never get the right answer. But if I know what question to ask, I will come across answers which I would never have even dreamed of.

"The key to the mysteries of the universe are not hidden in answers but questions." This is the last level of revelation, something seemingly simple but again there is a difference between a simple knowledge of the sentence in which you can recite it and a moment of mental clarity where the sentence changes the lens through which you view the world. Where something simple like that changes "the way you are".

What are Blogs?

2007-11-07T14:59:00.000-08:00

Your probably wondering why this post was posted the same day as the one below. Good question, well I had quiet a bit to say I guess (its a part of being a rather quiet person, you think overly much and never really have a way to get it out. Then when an avenue presents itself it all comes tumbling out, usually without rhyme reason or any cohesiveness. Although to the one who's talking it all makes sense.) and really didn't want to write it all down in one long post.

So as I wrestled with the thought of even starting this blog I was of course drawn to the question of "What do I hope to accomplish?". The answer was "to discuss those deeper things that are on my mind" as I did have a blog before that was more a diary than anything else, and that was more due to the fact that I had to write for my audience.

It also led to me dissecting others blogs. It seems to me that blogs, like diaries do more to reveal "the way a person is" than anything else. Now, let me take a second to explain what I mean by that phrase. "The way a person is" is everything that makes them who they are, the lens through which they see their world as well as they way they act talk and do everything. Its an all encompassing phrase. The way you talk, the way you walk, the way you think that people with piercings all over their face are weird, the way you see things as dirty even though no one else does, the way you think that people are staring at you even though no one is.

Now take for instance, Tom's blog The Emancipation of the Freed. Even if you have never met the man you can tell from the way he writes and what he writes about, the color and tint of the lens he sees the world through. Now I'm not saying one color or tint or whatever is better than the other, I'm merely pointing out that what is seen through those lenses is not always what is seen through other's lenses. Just because you can see through the Great Divines lens doesn't mean that the color or tint of your lens still isn't present. That I think is a topic of discussion for some other post however.

Then we move to something else, Shadraq's blog The Edge. Has a seemingly similar feel but you can tell that the direction and aim is different. Its as if hes still working within the visible light spectrum but instead of the color blue hes working with the color green. Weird analogy, and I don't think even I fully understand what I just said.

His blog is very spiritual like toms, but you can tell that the two blogs differ in some way. Whether you can put your finger on it is something else entirely. The obvious differences are the way in which they relate to that spirituality. Tom is very forward about it, seemingly very traditional in his views. He relates to his world in a very traditional sense although continues striving to see it with a different lens. Shadraq relates to his spirituality through movies, music, etc. but most importantly through the parallels he can draw between his spirituality and Star Wars. For tom its the movie BraveHeart.

Shadraq tries to see clearer through his lens while Tom strives to change the color hue and tint of the lens he already has. Part of that I think is the age difference Tom has lived with his lens for longer than Shadraq and he has seen as clear as he can through it. Now its time to change the color and the hue to see the same scene differently.

But lets move on, to Joe's blog. With Joe's blog its a lot less about spirituality, more just a direct transcribing of his brain to electronic paper. Its like he opened a door and let you walk in. Its messy inside like it is in all of our brains. There are inside jokes you don't get, things that don't make sense, however when viewed through his lens it would all make sense. His blog is a lot harder to dissect. Its a much more....emotional blog maybe? Instead of taking what hes seen/experienced and trying to relate it to you in a way you can understand it, he's trying to get you to relate to him. He's not writing for his audience but inviting the audience along for a ride in his mind as he looks at the world.

All that to say what? Reading a persons blog is about finding out "the way a person is"? Maybe, but whether or not you realize it thats whats happening. Something to keep in mind next time you read something on someones blog.

Oculus Tempestas

2007-11-07T14:49:00.000-08:00

Odd name for a Blog I know, don't flatter yourself though as I could really care less about what your opinion of it is. I figured though that I would start with a simple explanation of why I chose it. It's simple really I've always referred to myself as "The Eye of the Storm". Not sure why, its something that came to me from the Great Divine so I can only guess at its implications.

I imagine its how the Great Divine sees me just as much as it is the way I see myself. The Eye of the Storm is quiet compared to the rest of the storm. There is no wind in the Eye of the Storm, everything is serene and the eye opens up to the sky so that light can shine in on it. So while the surrounding storm picks up and moves things and reeks its havoc the eye is untouched. Its mostly how I see myself, seemingly unchanged while others are pushed and pulled and put down in other places, some people are swept away others destroyed by the winds of change that flow around me. I think it also says something about my timid quiet nature. Although I'm not very timid when I'm mad or upset, but most of the time I keep my thoughts to myself and my mouth closed. Now that I'm writing this I realize that I could write an entire book about the parallels but thats really neither here nor there.

Oculus Tempestas, it should read Oculus of Tempestas but lets be honest that doesn't sound as good. At least let me be honest and say it didn't sound as good to ME. Anyways, thats it in a nut shell.